Adventures with Homeless

Here’s an adventure in L.A. for you. So I’m getting some lunch today and for some reason I sit with my back to the door… which I never do. As I’m updating apps on my phone, I hear a voice behind me, “Do you have any money so I can get something to eat?” First of all, I’m having lunch, I don’t like to be bothered by anyone, especially this, second, I don’t carry cash anymore, so I never have any money on me. So I say I don’t have any cash, which they never believe, (Sidebar: I expect the homeless in LA to start carrying credit card machines in the near future) Anyway, No I tell him, no money and expect him to go on his way… but he didn’t. I noticed about a minute later he was still standing behind me. He had a coat or something over his head. It reminded me of a ratty looking Ghost of Christmas Future. Not only that, but this cat didn’t want to be ignored so he started making noises with his mouth. It sounded like he was sucking something from between his teeth. I, however, held strong. I had no intention giving this fool the time of day. Finally after several minutes, he spoke again, this time wanting me to turn around. So I did… mistake. I’m not sure what he said because I was so overwhelmed by the smell of piss. I believe he knew this because he was saying something about soap and baths and putting Nivea on his face. (Sidebar: if he would have asked me for money to buy soap at this time, I would have personally took up a collection) Oh yeah, there was something said about horses. Then he left, which was when I got my first look at him. He was wearing a dress and carrying a purse, which I found to be an odd look for a homeless man. Also, he still had his coat over his head. Maybe he was trying to be a nun or something, or maybe his skin was too delicate, hence the Nivea I guess. Only in LA do you get a cross dressing homeless man worried about his skin.


JLP