Merry Christmas

Somewhere along the way Christmas became more about spectacle and one-ups-man-ship than being about celebrating the best we, as humans, have to offer. Case in point, pepper spraying people at Walmart for some bullshit "gift" that will end up in the trash or simply forgotten about in 6 months anyway. I wonder what Jesus would say about the commercialization of his birthday. I wonder how he would feel about taking something so holy and sacred and turning it into a day of greed and gluttony. I don't think this is what he would have had in mind at all.

The best Christmas I've ever had was a year that an ice storm cause the power to be out for 4 days. Every one of my gifts was electronic, but I didn't care. It was Christmas at its purest form, and it was really nice. Now days it's all about the latest igadget or whatever else "the man" tells us we need. I can't help but laugh every time I see one of those ridiculous Lexus commercials on TV. Really, who the fuck can afford to give a Lexus? I guess if you can, you're not reading this article. The problem is, as a society, we see that and now we think that's what we must do.

Maybe for once, we can all just be happy with what we have. Be happy that there are people that care about us. Maybe instead of fighting over an Xbox on Black Friday, we should buy a gift or two for Toys for Tots. Maybe take a weekend and volunteer at a homeless shelter. Or, at the very least, pray for each other, and just enjoy what the holidays bring. I haven't been home for Christmas in two years, yet I don't complain, it is what it is...

Enough ranting, it's Christmas after all... In closing (and not that my words will make much of a difference) this year, stop for a moment and remember that Christmas is a time to celebrate peace and love. It's a time when we, as human being, can live up to our potential, even if it's only for a short time. Remember that it's about celebrating the birth of a man who gave up everything for all of us, and never expected anything in return. A man who didn't were a red coat and have a white beard, or pants. A man who would never shop on Black Friday and doesn't care how old your phone is... In short... a man who loves all of us, despite our many faults and forgives us for bastardizing his name every chance we get. 

Merry Christmas and God be with you all this holiday season.

Batmobiles

I have now seen and photographed every Batmobile from TV to the movies. Take a look.

CAP'N CRUNCH VS SOGGIES - THE EPIC 1986 BATTLE

Remember way back in 1986 when the Soggies kidnapped the Cap'n and we had to call in to the hot line for the clues in order to figure out which door he was behind... only then could he escape. Those were trying times for the Cap'n.

CAP'N CRUNCH VS. SOGGIES: VIDEO 2

THOSE DAMN SOGGIES!

CAP'N CRUNCH VS SOGGIES VIDEO 1

YOU GET 'EM CAP'N!

CELEBATRATE NATIONAL CAP'N CRUNCH VS. SOGGIES DAY

It seems like every day I wake up, look at Facebook or Twitter only to see that I must celebrate some really trivial thing today. Things like, National Talk Like A Pirate Day (Sept 19th), or National Chicken Wing Day (July 29th). The list goes on and on. So I ask, since it appears anyone can declare any day a holiday or day of celebration for any cause or item of their choosing. Why can't I declare a day of celebration to remember those who came before us; fighting for truth, justice, and crunchy cereal?

That's right, I hereby declare today, October 12th, National Cap'n Crunch Vs Soggies Day. After all, it was Captain Horatio Magellan Crunch how has devoted his entire life to fighting the evil Soggies, a mysterious race of evil milk people who set out to "sog up" his cereal in the 1980's. If not for our valiant, albeit Spanish Captain, our morning cereal might actually soften in milk, as opposed to cutting up the roof of our mouths.

So, here's to you Cap'n… May you go down in history with other greats of your rank, like: Captains Kirk, Picard, Kangaroo, and Planet. We honor you, with this day of days.

Diva Actress - Fad Diets

Thursday Night At The Improv

Great night of comedy at the Improv last night. Highlights included the cast of NBC's Free Agents and a musical number between Jeff Ross and John Legend.

A Letter To Hugh Jackman

Dear Hugh Jackman,
I see we still are at this impasse... I want you to follow me on Twitter, and you still haven't followed me on Twitter. I'm not sure what more I have to do. It's not like I'm gonna go single white female on you... right away. I mean, I understand you are a very important man, singing and dancing and clawing your way through life, but Hugh, what's a man without friends. Friends who will let you star in their web series musical and not even make you audition. Trust me, I wouldn't do that for anyone, just ask Patrick Duffy. No Hugh, when I look at you I see a guy who's got his shit together, a guy I could have a drink with, a guy my girlfriend would push me off a cliff for, but most importantly I see a guy who needs to follow me on Twitter. Just think about how much fun we could have.... and no, you can't meet my girlfriend. Till next time, your pal,

JLP

My Review of Moneyball

So, from the title I suppose you've guessed that I saw "Money Ball" last week. Let me start this post by saying that I don't normally write reviews, and I tend to be very opinionated about films, so my commentary can be a little strong at times. For this post, however, I will try to keep it as light as possible, in my attempt to tell you about a very solid film.

For those who don't know, Money Ball is a movie based on a book (Moneyball: The Art of Winning an Unfair Game), which chronicles Oakland A's GM Billy Beane as he tries to rebuild a professional baseball team with a budget that is probably actually less than what it cost to produce and promote the movie. It's all based on real events, real players... you get the picture. Anyway, at the surface, it's a movie about the economics of pro baseball, and even I was afraid going in that it would be a snoozer. Not so much, it seems, somebody, somewhere remembered at the end of the day, this is a sports movie, and therefore should also be fun and enjoyable. Now for those who read the book, the movie isn't as much about statistics and scouting, though these are the very root of the entire film. Instead the movie focuses primarily on Beane and the A's following their 2001 dismantling due to the fact that they only had an operating budget of $41 million (compared to the Yankee's $125 million). Much like the characters in the film, Money Ball is not a traditional sports film, it's not as much about the baseball on the field (though there is enough of that to keep the purists happy) but more about what goes on behind the scenes, in scouting meetings, locker rooms and front offices.

Of course at its root, Money Ball is a love story. It's a story about a man who is torn between two loves; the love of his daughter and the love of a game that has been his entire life. Don't get me wrong, the stuff about OBP and walks combined with runs per 9 innings and how that equates to wins is very interesting. I think the performances of Philip Seymour Hoffman as Art Howe and Jonah Hill as the fictional Peter Brand give solid performances, as do Chris Pratt and Stephen Bishop. However, it's the "love story" that seals the deal here. Whether the father/daughter relationship is a Hollywood fabrication, or if it's 100% truthful, I have no idea, but the scenes between Pitt and Kerris Dorsey, who plays Beane's daughter Casey, are solid, touching and serve to ground the story in reality.

The subtle beauty of Moneyball

Of course, when you get right to it, this is a baseball movie, and it's Pitt's depiction of Beane's love of the game that really allows this movie to succeed. In some of the best scenes in the movie, Pitt says nothing; he merely walks the stands of the Oakland Coliseum, strolls through the empty locker room, or simply lies in the outfield grass. Anyone who has ever played a sport, or loved a game so much, it's these little things that get taken for granted. I know ever fall, I sometimes catch the smell of fresh cut grass on a cool day and my mind suddenly has a football flash back. Yes, it's this collection of subtle visuals that lift this movie from pedestrian to very good.

I say, if you enjoy a good movie, and want to see something entertaining that should not get an Oscar nod, but probably will because of the people attached; then check this one out. However, if you are a baseball fan, or just a sports fan in general, this is a must see, the story, the performances, the tone of the subject matter combine making this the most earnest sports movie since "Bull Durham," and that's saying something.

JLP

Diva Actress - Type Cast

Diva Actress - The Process

A Knight at Medieval Times

The Best Of Friends

They say dogs are a man's best friend, and that's no lie. There are very few animals in this world as loyal as a dog. In fact, dogs are probably more loyal than most people. So it's with a heavy and sad heart that today I have to say goodbye to a dear friend. No, he's not my dog, he never was my responsibility, and sure we never saw eye to eye on everything, but what friend does, right? But Swoosh was no ordinary friend or dog, for that matter.

I think humans can learn a lot from dogs, I know I have. I've learned that sometimes, you’ve just got to take a nap, and it's OK to lick my balls in public, and if poop in the grass, most likely somebody's gonna clean it up. Not that those aren't all great things, but the most important thing I've learned is that sometimes in life, there are more important things than yourself, sometimes it's best to make other people happy, and in turn, you'll be better for it. That's what Swoosh did. I saw it many a time, as Swoosh would selflessly curl up next to someone and let them scratch his head or rub his neck. Oh sure, he's a dog, he loves to get petted, but he knew that one of life's greatest joys, is to pet a puppy dog.

If you had a chance to know him, you know exactly what I'm talking about, and you know there was no better feeling than when he purred like a cat when you would pet him. I bet, if you ever spent any time with him, what so ever, you probably walked away feeling a little better, a little happier. That's what dogs do, and that's what Swoosh did, more so than any other. Now the time has come to tell him goodbye. True, it's a sad day when you have to say goodbye, but it's also a joyous thing to celebrate the life of someone, or something so warm and caring. Some will say he's just a dog, and I will counter with, "there's no such thing." Have you ever owned a dog, have you ever looked into their eyes?” They aren't cat's, there's a soul in there, and any person looking can see that. That's why they are man's best friend, because if you love them, they will love you back, whole heartedly and without prejudice.

I never knew a more loving person or animal in my life, and I've never seen one loved more in return. I feel honored that I got to know him and love him, and even though he wasn't my dog, he will always be my friend.

JLP

You Can't Give Yourself A Nickname...

No, you probably aren't.

If I could describe myself, I would use words like funny, charming, intellectual, and creative. Never once would you see the words, procrastinate, stubborn, impulsive, or impatient, the words I figure most people use to describe me. You see for me, "describing" yourself is about as vain and douchey as giving yourself a nickname. I have had several nicknames in my life, some I like(d) some I hopefully will never hear uttered to me again. They were all given to my by other people though, never of my own device.

Living in Hollywood, and having to be around people that are constantly selling themselves, trying be a 'brand," I guess I should be used to all of this now, but for some reason I'm not. It's something I find I must do myself sometimes. Though I'm always careful to never cross that line, and trust me, it's a fine line. So, I have created a guide to let you know if you are crossing the line, and stepping into the world of being a sell out or just an outright douche.

• If  you you describe your sense of humor as (insert adjective here), but people just don't get it... Most likely you've chosen poorly. Just because you think you're quirky, or adorable or whatever doesn't mean you are, it just means you want to be. In reality, you could be mean, insensitive, or just plain unfunny and never really know it. Hell, it took me a very long time to learn that my sense of humor is very dry, at least I'm told.
• Anytime you give yourself a nickname.
• If you go out of your way to call yourself a geek or nerd, you're probably not. I know nerd is cool now, but just because you have an iPhone and like Star Wars, doesn't mean your a nerd. Actually, if you were a nerd, you would have a hacked android phone and know why the Millennium Falcon is so much faster than any other ship in light speed (186,000 miles per second) even though they are all going the same speed.Or you might know the best type of crystal to focus a light saber. (correct answer: Kaiburr crystal).



A real geek owns this rare 1977 Star Wars t-shirt, but never wears it.

• If you describe yourself as a "Brand," or in the third person.
• You are either a leader of people or you are not. That's just the way it is. You can't learn to lead, you can't be taught to inspire. Just because you are in charge, doesn't mean people will follow you.

Expect this list to grow with future posts, as this is just the tip of a much bigger issue. In fact feel free to comment with your own if you've got them.  As for today's lesson... Bottom line, be yourself, and if you're funny, you'll be funny, if you're a leader, you'll lead, and if geek, you'll buy all seven versions of the Blu-ray Star Wars box sets that will be coming out in the next three years. 

P.S. this post is not about any one actual person, it's a collection of thoughts I've collected observing many people. So if you get offended by something in this post, I promise, it was not directed at you... though it could mean you probably are a douche.

Short Term - Season 2

So here we go again. Time for a little creative fun with my pals from Short Term. Short Term, for those of you who don't know, is a web series I created with Heather Horton. Season 1 to my relief, was recieved very well by fans and critics alike. Therefore, in case you didn't know, work on season 2 has begun starting with our successful Indie GoGo campaign. Currently, we are in the middle of the pre-production phase, which currently includes writing the six episodes that will make up the new season. In addition, there are several exciting peices being put in place to ensure that season 2 is the best yet. I know what you're thinking, "Jeff, you gotta tell us something." Of course my answer to that is, "No I don't," but because I'm a nice guy, I'll spill some beans right here and now. I am working very hard to get Hugh Jackman in season 2. I haven't heard back from his people yet, but the way I look at it, that's not a "no." So fingers crossed.
I addition to new cast members, season 2 looks to up the anty on production value, writing, acting and use of dolls, to bring you the best comedy web series out there. I promise, you will not be disappointed.
Keep checking in here, or at www.shortterm.tv to get news and updates.

Hugh Jackman and The JLP

For those of you who follow me on Twitter know, I'm sure you know by now that I have a running joke which involves my "Quest" to get Hugh Jackman to follow me. To date, he is not following me. In fact, I've never even got a reply from him to even say, "Stop spamming me." No it would seem to date that my "quest" is just a one sided joke. Of course that is all it is, a joke (though some may not get the humor in it.) Of course, so many forget how Ellen "stalked" George Clooney for ever on the Warner Brothers lot, and it was all in good fun. All I'm doing are a few mentions and the occasional Follow Friday. Now, I know what you guys are thinking, "Jeff you're a writer, you're eventually gonna meet him anyway." To this I would say, "That is true." As a writer of awesome things, it is inevitable that Hugh Jackman will come to me to write a custom role, one of which will make him the biggest star the world will ever know. It would make him the Oprah of the silver screen. I mean, he'd be bigger that Kevin Costner... If you can believe that.
However, for now, all I have is my little amusement. It keeps me happy, so I don't care what others think. I just want Hugh Jackman to know, it's just a little fun, nothing more. There is just one other thing...

Once upon a time, Lorne Michaels offered the Beatles $3000 to appear on SNL. It was a brilliant move, which almost got the band back together. So Hugh, I offer you a similar deal. I am Co-Producer to a little web series called "Short Term" (www.shortterm.tv) and I am offering you the same deal that he offered the Beatles. Now there were 4 Beatles, and we don't have the budget to give one actor $3000. So this offer... the producers of Short Term will give you, Hugh Jackman, $500 for one line, and a 30 second appearance. Think about... let me know. You know how to reach me.

JLP

Short Term Needs Your Help!

Help Heather Ho Reach 2000 Twitter Followers and Stop Internet Douchebaggery

Dear World,
It has come to my attention that douchebags are taking over the internet. In fact, my own non-scientific, unofficial research shows that 90% of the people who post things online are at least three quarters douche.
What is an internet douche you ask? Well, an internet douche is someone who posts online on sites like Facebook and Twitter and think the more followers they get, the more important they are. Yet, when you look at what they have to say, it's completely inspired, un-original, and/or completely ripped off from someone else. In short, an online hack.

How can I help stop internet douchebaggery? Glad you asked. By following comedians and entertainers like Heather Ho (@heatherhocomedy) you give people who are actually entertaining, and have something to offer society a stronger voice, which drowns out all the white noise caused by douchebags, such as wanna be celebrity bloggers and the like. When you give a real entertainer a platform, only good things can happen.


So join me, and help @heatherhocomedy reach 2000 followers by July 4th, and in turn, help win back the internet for non-douchebags everywhere.
JLP

Short Term is an independently funded web series production. In fact, the entire first season was funded out of the pockets of the creators. The series has already garnered loads of praise leading up to it's official release, thus prompting the decision to green light  Season 2. However, this costs money, and that's where you come in...

Equipment rental, crew costs, actors, web hosting, transportation, location fees... (deep breath) These all cost money. By donating, you give us a chance to continue and improve upon what has already been established. With your help, darkly lit corners and muddled audio will become a thing of the past. Not to mention the ability to increase the overall production value of the series tenfold. Just like jobs, people are always going to need a laugh, and with your help, at least we can guarantee there will be plenty of those to go around.

Visit our Indie Go-Go page, http://www.indiegogo.com/shortterm and take around. You'll note that no donation is without reward. In fact there are several levels of donations, with many different reward options. Rewards range from shout outs on Facebook and Twitter, calls from the cast, insider scoops on season 2, autographed posters, and so much more. Oh, and be sure to tell'em Lloyd sent ya for an extra girthy shout out.

So if your excited about season 2, and you're looking for a way to help out, we welcome what ever you can offer. That is unless you're a large company (*cough* Subway) that likes to have your products placed in shows without mercy and are willing to give out sponsorship dollars. Then I say, give us what you got, we have no problem plugging something without reservation like an episode of Chuck. Once again thank you for your time and support.

Now go watch season 1 again.

Short Term Season 2

As of today, season one of Short Term has finally been released. All six episodes are now online at www.shortterm.tv. The thing is, just because all six episodes are online, doesn't mean that season one is over, in fact one could argue that it's just beginning. 

I want to take a moment to thank our brilliant cast and our small but mighty crew for all they did to make season one possible. I specifically want to thank the lovely Heather Horton, the other half of the Short Term brain trust. This was a stellar team, and projects like this cannot succeed without these kinds of people. Now on to business…

Short Term needs your help! That’s right, you. The thing about a web series, you don’t get lead-ins or network advertising to promote your show. Instead, we must rely on you, the folks who watch and enjoy our project. We need for you to tell your friends and family to take a look. Then, we need for you to have their friends and family take a look and so on. Your word of mouth is our best marketing tool, and if you would just ell one person about the show, that would help more than anything else.

However, if you’d like to do more, there’s that option as well. Currently, we are gearing up for season two and look to start production early this summer. For that production, we are looking for donations and sponsorship. If you’d like to help Short Term and want to contribute, below is a link to our Indie Go-Go page. If you’d like to make a donation, even if it’s just a dollar, we would welcome all who’d like to help. Just so you know, if you do donate, it’ll not be without reward. Depending on how much you decide to contribute, the rewards can vary from a phone call from a cast member, to a signed season one poster. There’s even an opportunity to earn an executive producer credit on the series. Regardless of whether or not you can give, check the page out. There’s some really cool stuff on there.

In closing, I want to thank the cast, the crew and the fans for everything over the past few weeks and months. You never know when you start something like this how it will turn out, but I think we’ve got something here, and with your help, season two will be that much better. In the end, this all about the people who watch… the fans and without all of you, this series would never have been made. And for that, take pride in your series, because it is just that… Yours.


JLP

www.shortterm.tv

All Six Episodes of Short Term Season 1 Now Online

Short Term - Episode 5

Short Term Episode 1 is Out!

After four months of post, Short Term Season One has been released to the masses. Below is Episode 1. Enjoy!