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New Beginnings - Short Term Season 2 Premier

C'mon Hostess

Geez Hostess... All this man wanted was a Twinkie. Don't take that from him. Rule #32: Enjoy the little things 

JLP Does Conan Jokes

Back in December I did a show at iO West in Hollywood for a packet I put together for the TBS talk show "Conan" (hosted by Conan O'Brien). It was my first time on stage and I was very thankful for those who got a chance to come out and support me and see the show, which included my Conan bit, and two sitcom script readings. Other than the fact no one brought drinks, it thought it was a great night. Anyway, I've decided to share my monologue jokes here on my blog, and I would love feedback on them. If I get a big enough response, I  will try to post more each week. We'll see. For now enjoy these jokes from the week of November 14th thru the 20th. (the week before Thanksgiving)

Did you guys see that the new Twilight movie, "Breaking Dawn," made $140 million in it's opening weekend. $140 million. This got me to thinking maybe, in our current economy, the government should think about a imposing a vampire and glitter tax.


Speaking of the economy, this Friday is Black Friday, and my mom is already making her plans for 12 hours of shopping, spending hundreds of dollars on stuff that no one in my family really wants. Or as my dad likes to call it, "a small price to pay for a little peace and quiet around here."


Anybody here on Facebook? That may be the dumbest question I ever ask. Anyway, Facebook this week found itself the target of internet spammers who were posting pornography on it's users wall feeds. A spoke person for Facebook says they're working to fix the issue and that most of the porn is gone, but in the mean time they were encouraging users to try out their new "Really Like" button.


The US Immigration Services Office says that many illegal immigrants are returning to Mexico due to the poor US job market. Shortly after, the White House released a statement saying, "Hey, we may not have fixed the economy, but it looks like we found a solution the immigration problem."


The economy in Greece has gotten so bad they've basically had to start over with a brand new government. A spokes person for the outgoing administration stated that they just didn't understand how an economy based solely on the export of humus and yogurt could fall apart so fast.


You guys see that Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore are getting divorced? Sources close to the couple said that the split is due to the non-stop fighting. Yeah, the source goes on to say, she was tired of  Ashton staying out late hanging with his friends, and he was tired of watching re-runs of "Murder She Wrote." You see, because she's older... whatever, you'll get it on the way home.


Finally, This past Friday marked the end of an era as Regis Philbin said goodbye to his long running TV show. When asked how she felt about her former co-hosts retirement, Kathy Lee Gifford responded, " I haven't felt anything for the last fifteen years."

Thanks so much, and please leave any feedback you have below, good or bad.

JLP

CAP'N CRUNCH VS SOGGIES - THE EPIC 1986 BATTLE

Remember way back in 1986 when the Soggies kidnapped the Cap'n and we had to call in to the hot line for the clues in order to figure out which door he was behind... only then could he escape. Those were trying times for the Cap'n.

CAP'N CRUNCH VS. SOGGIES: VIDEO 2

THOSE DAMN SOGGIES!

CAP'N CRUNCH VS SOGGIES VIDEO 1

YOU GET 'EM CAP'N!

CELEBATRATE NATIONAL CAP'N CRUNCH VS. SOGGIES DAY

It seems like every day I wake up, look at Facebook or Twitter only to see that I must celebrate some really trivial thing today. Things like, National Talk Like A Pirate Day (Sept 19th), or National Chicken Wing Day (July 29th). The list goes on and on. So I ask, since it appears anyone can declare any day a holiday or day of celebration for any cause or item of their choosing. Why can't I declare a day of celebration to remember those who came before us; fighting for truth, justice, and crunchy cereal?

That's right, I hereby declare today, October 12th, National Cap'n Crunch Vs Soggies Day. After all, it was Captain Horatio Magellan Crunch how has devoted his entire life to fighting the evil Soggies, a mysterious race of evil milk people who set out to "sog up" his cereal in the 1980's. If not for our valiant, albeit Spanish Captain, our morning cereal might actually soften in milk, as opposed to cutting up the roof of our mouths.

So, here's to you Cap'n… May you go down in history with other greats of your rank, like: Captains Kirk, Picard, Kangaroo, and Planet. We honor you, with this day of days.

Diva Actress - Fad Diets

Thursday Night At The Improv

Great night of comedy at the Improv last night. Highlights included the cast of NBC's Free Agents and a musical number between Jeff Ross and John Legend.

Diva Actress - Type Cast

Diva Actress - The Process

You Can't Give Yourself A Nickname...

No, you probably aren't.

If I could describe myself, I would use words like funny, charming, intellectual, and creative. Never once would you see the words, procrastinate, stubborn, impulsive, or impatient, the words I figure most people use to describe me. You see for me, "describing" yourself is about as vain and douchey as giving yourself a nickname. I have had several nicknames in my life, some I like(d) some I hopefully will never hear uttered to me again. They were all given to my by other people though, never of my own device.

Living in Hollywood, and having to be around people that are constantly selling themselves, trying be a 'brand," I guess I should be used to all of this now, but for some reason I'm not. It's something I find I must do myself sometimes. Though I'm always careful to never cross that line, and trust me, it's a fine line. So, I have created a guide to let you know if you are crossing the line, and stepping into the world of being a sell out or just an outright douche.

• If  you you describe your sense of humor as (insert adjective here), but people just don't get it... Most likely you've chosen poorly. Just because you think you're quirky, or adorable or whatever doesn't mean you are, it just means you want to be. In reality, you could be mean, insensitive, or just plain unfunny and never really know it. Hell, it took me a very long time to learn that my sense of humor is very dry, at least I'm told.
• Anytime you give yourself a nickname.
• If you go out of your way to call yourself a geek or nerd, you're probably not. I know nerd is cool now, but just because you have an iPhone and like Star Wars, doesn't mean your a nerd. Actually, if you were a nerd, you would have a hacked android phone and know why the Millennium Falcon is so much faster than any other ship in light speed (186,000 miles per second) even though they are all going the same speed.Or you might know the best type of crystal to focus a light saber. (correct answer: Kaiburr crystal).



A real geek owns this rare 1977 Star Wars t-shirt, but never wears it.

• If you describe yourself as a "Brand," or in the third person.
• You are either a leader of people or you are not. That's just the way it is. You can't learn to lead, you can't be taught to inspire. Just because you are in charge, doesn't mean people will follow you.

Expect this list to grow with future posts, as this is just the tip of a much bigger issue. In fact feel free to comment with your own if you've got them.  As for today's lesson... Bottom line, be yourself, and if you're funny, you'll be funny, if you're a leader, you'll lead, and if geek, you'll buy all seven versions of the Blu-ray Star Wars box sets that will be coming out in the next three years. 

P.S. this post is not about any one actual person, it's a collection of thoughts I've collected observing many people. So if you get offended by something in this post, I promise, it was not directed at you... though it could mean you probably are a douche.

Short Term - Season 2

So here we go again. Time for a little creative fun with my pals from Short Term. Short Term, for those of you who don't know, is a web series I created with Heather Horton. Season 1 to my relief, was recieved very well by fans and critics alike. Therefore, in case you didn't know, work on season 2 has begun starting with our successful Indie GoGo campaign. Currently, we are in the middle of the pre-production phase, which currently includes writing the six episodes that will make up the new season. In addition, there are several exciting peices being put in place to ensure that season 2 is the best yet. I know what you're thinking, "Jeff, you gotta tell us something." Of course my answer to that is, "No I don't," but because I'm a nice guy, I'll spill some beans right here and now. I am working very hard to get Hugh Jackman in season 2. I haven't heard back from his people yet, but the way I look at it, that's not a "no." So fingers crossed.
I addition to new cast members, season 2 looks to up the anty on production value, writing, acting and use of dolls, to bring you the best comedy web series out there. I promise, you will not be disappointed.
Keep checking in here, or at www.shortterm.tv to get news and updates.

Short Term Episode 1 is Out!

After four months of post, Short Term Season One has been released to the masses. Below is Episode 1. Enjoy!